Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
