WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize
