you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
