Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
