I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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