and she was petting her beer can
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
