I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Randomize
