If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
