As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
