Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
