also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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