toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
