I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
