I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
