covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
