just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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