the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize