i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
porn star boner night. come get it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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