Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My life is pants optional.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
