yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize