her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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