So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
