some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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