guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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