Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
