His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
