So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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