he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Also, beer. Big fan.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
