So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
