Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
