the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
