Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
