Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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