I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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