So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
