That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
