It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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