I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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