I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
