I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
