boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize