By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
