Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
