I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
