I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize