My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
