So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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