I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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