I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
