I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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