you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize