Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize