he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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