But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
