The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
