I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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