How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
