She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
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