you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
