We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
