u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
