hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
