Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
