thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize