Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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