Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
