A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
