If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
