so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just invented taco cereal.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
