i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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