New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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