i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
