I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
