addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
