I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
