there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
