I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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