that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
